Non-Fiction: Yes, There is Such a Thing as a Sexy Checklist

**Edited Dec 27, 2014: I've decided to just be myself and not hide behind a fictional character. I'm taking my name back. She'll come back under another name, I'm sure, because her story is rather interesting.**

I've been interested in human relationships as an exchange of power since I was prepubescent. In fact, it was about power before it was about sex. When I wrote stories or poems they tended to be about either wildly imbalanced power or about people -- heterosexual couples, since that's what I knew and was personally interested in -- mutually yielding or sharing power because they loved each other.

In college I discovered IRC just as it was becoming something other students used. I found the BDSM chat room and met a variety of people from all across the US who were kind enough to accept me and my fantasies. Only one or two of those people tried to scare me or bully me. But I made a few good friends online and made a point to visit them after I graduated and had some time to travel. They were as kind and sweet in person as they were online.

Now we have FetLife and Facebook and a million forums that cater to each fetish or interest and the ability to communicate our wants and needs, our fantasies and desires, has become even easier. There are still one or two jerks, and it's a shame that the jerks tend to have louder voices, but, for the most part, we can safely explore, investigate, find things that resonate with us, and find people who share those interests.

But what about the up-close and personal moments, when we're only communicating with one or two -- or more, if you're poly or multi-amorous -- and trying to mesh our wants and needs?

Someone on Facebook posted a checklist that can serve as a jumping-off point into a discussion or exploration or adventure. Here's the link: http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html

Power exchanges, role playing, and fantasy explorations can be extremely liberating, even when you're the one immobilized by ropes or chains. Taking the time to fill out a questionnaire like the one above can start that liberating process early and on the right foot, even if you don't have someone to play with. True communication begins with being honest with yourself.

I've gone through periods in my life when I wasn't as honest about what I wanted from a partner, sexually or otherwise, not with myself and least of all with them. During those times when I wasn't honest with myself my romantic relationships didn't last long. The online resources and friendships available to me were also limited by the lack of clarity in my thinking.

All that to say I wish I had seen that checklist 20+ years ago, more for my own personal development than anything else. While I would have chosen completely different answers then, compared to now, it would have given me the opportunity to be honest with myself and others about what I was looking for.

But now, I have found it. And now, so have you. I'll be using it in my private life, and Mr and Ms Myrrh will be using it, as well. It gives them wonderfully naughty ideas. ;-)

Warmly,
The Author