Yesterday morning, instead of writing, I spent hours looking at pornographic images on Tumblr. I have a few favorite sites and the overall theme is extremism of one sort or another: erotic hypnosis, misogyny, stretched pussies, and multiple partners, for example. I don’t think I’m drawn to them because I want to have a stretched pussy fucked by multiple misogynistic men, all while under the influence of an evil hypnotist. I think it’s because I’ve always enjoyed fairy tales and these extreme images are the BDSM version of fairy tales.
Okay, I actually think having a stretchy enough pussy to be able to handle fisting would be pretty awesome, but I don’t want a cunt as big as some of the ones I’ve seen on Tumblr.
One of the interesting things about the Tumblr sites I like to visit is how many of the bloggers claim that most of their fans are women, not men. That makes me feel a little better -- I’m not a total weirdo for getting turned on by pictures of women, and sometimes men, in extreme situations -- it also makes me wonder why some of us females like to look at extreme porn.
The funny thing is, I have a hard time looking at images of women who do NOT appear to be enjoying their predicament. I particularly like HappyBDSM because I get to see smiling faces, male and female. The more misogynistic sites that I like tend to have the extremist aspect in words -- captions -- rather than in pictures. I think that makes it seem less immediately real to me, it’s easier to believe that the women in the pictures are professional models.
I’m also amazed at how many women appear to keep Tumblr blogs that are extreme in nature. So women like to compose and consume these images. Why does it turn us on?
I think, for most of us, it’s a natural fantasy.
When we’re kids, fantasy and play sometimes involve sex parts, but mostly in the context of other reality-based play, like pretending to be a mommy or daddy, or pretending to be a doctor. As we grow up, humans still like fantasy and play, but our changing hormones, social contexts and desires change. The things we played at as children are now things we do for real; A college student may not be so interested in playing doctor because they’re studying to actually be one, for example.
But some fantasies we never truly grow out of; these are scenarios we revisit for what I think are very basic, animal, instinctive reasons. Chase, flee, fight, rape, kill, enslave (or somehow coerce or control) -- these are things humans have been doing since before they were humans, and we continue to do them. Most of us will never have the need to do any of it in real life, but there’s an instinctive compulsion to role play, fantasize and otherwise practice, just in case we find ourselves in a situation where we might have to fight for our lives.
The human body and nature is very much about pleasure. We do what we love. If we find pleasure in fantasy and play, we’ll do it regularly. I think a lot of young girls find pleasure in fantasy and play, pleasure that they’re likely to discover on their own while young, pleasure that they’d like to share once they are older and feel confident about sharing it. The fantasy may be about power -- dominating or being dominated -- it could be purely physical -- feeling very full or overwhelmed -- it could be about chasing or being chased, but these fantasies grow with us as we reach maturity and they change right along with our bodies as hormones kick in.
It feels kind of weird to write about it, since there’s such a taboo about talking about children and their sexuality. But recognizing that most children have a childish sexuality, complete with the instinctive desire to fantasize and play around with it, helps round out the idea of human development as being a continuum; we carry forward with us a lot of ideas we encounter as children and they can have a strong effect on what we fantasize about as adults.
So why would BDSM-themed extreme porn do it for me now? Is it just that I’ve seen enough porn in my lifetime that the tame stuff is boring and I need a visual jolt to stimulate me? Is it that I finally feel free enough to admit that I like this stuff? Because I’ve never really enjoyed Playboy-style porn and I’ve never much liked pornographic movies, but the trappings of bondage or service in these images I like -- that’s what makes it for me.
Helpless, exposed, my body at the whim of my master, objectified by a man who may not really admire or desire me, who may administer pain or pleasure or both, who may want to discover just how many men I can take, or how large of a fake cock I can handle, collared so everyone knows I have bent my will beneath the will of another.
It’s a hot fantasy for me, obviously, considering I spent about two hours today looking at pictures online. I think it’s a hot fantasy for many women, at least in part for the very basic, instinctive reason that our bodies want us to love what we might have, over the past few thousand years, actually had to do within the restricted range of power afforded us.
Now, at least in the US, power between the sexes is at least nominally equal, with actual power being slightly unequal but sometimes ascendable or negotiable. We still find ourselves working through these instinct-based scenarios but maybe we find ourselves confused or feeling guilty, particularly men and women who are serious about pursuing equality for everyone. But true equality means understanding who we are as physical animals in addition to who we are as social animals, who we are as thought-based self-aware animals and where we want to be as a society. It means being equally free to explore, through “safe, sane and consensual” fantasy and play, the things that excite us.
Warmly,
The Author
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