Non-Fiction: Nothing Says "I Love You" Like Anal Sex

A few weeks ago on Tumblr I came across a simple meme of white letters on a black background:

"nothing says I love you like anal sex"

It gave me pause. I mean, I'm sure it was meant as a light-hearted bit of humor in the world of Tumblr porn. I snickered when I saw it. But then, because I always overthink things, I had to ask myself, "Why? What does this mean, exactly?"

Because of course people who do not love each other can have anal sex.

And of course, even if people love each other, there are other ways to say or indicate they do.

But then I thought, "Well, I do like anal sex, and I do love Mr Myrrh. So I'll go with it; I'll think about the ways in which having anal sex is a unique indication that someone loves you."

And this is what I came up with:

Nothing says "I love you" like anal sex because anal sex is weirdly intimate and upside-down, at least for American hetero-normative couples.*

In general, asking for it isn't just "fuck me," it's "fuck me dirty." The concept of anal sex being wrong or unacceptable is gradually losing ground, thank goodness. We can all celebrate our bodies, the absolute fucking-fantastic gift of having a body and being alive and being sexual creatures, in whatever way we please.

Just like any other kind of sex, it only takes a little effort to ensure that we engage in it safely. So the social taboo is dissolving in a sea of lube and education. But it's still the asshole, and santorum does happen on occasion, and sometimes the memory, at least, of it having been a taboo can heighten the anticipation and pleasure of the act, at least compared to the comfort and "safety"** of vaginal sex. For hetero-normative couples, actively and enthusiastically engaging in anal sex really can be a signal that they love each other and trust each other, because they feel they are breaking through a taboo together.

For the receiver, it lends itself to a specific kind of pleasure. It takes advantage of neural wiring that finds pleasure in a bowel movement and turns it into pleasure from invasion. It takes advantage of the fact that all those nerves down there are packed close together, of the fact that the flesh shifting in one part of the body pulls at and stimulates the other parts, so that the receiver feels that invasion in their pussy and clit, or their prostate and dick. It can feel more intimate -- and therefore more like an expression of love -- simply because it feels more intense.

The giver, on the other hand, is given the gift of exploring and invading a part of the body that is very tight, delicate and easier to hurt than just about any other part of the body. It's a gift of trust. Nothing says "I love you" like taking advantage of that kind of gift in a way that provides intense pleasure for both people.

So, yeah, anal sex can be a unique statement of love. So can any other type of sex. It can also be a unique statement of hormonally-based urges. I'm not going to judge. It can be a pretty awesome experience either way.

Warmly,

Ms Myrrh

* See, this is my problem, I very quickly get down to where the statement, presented as a universal fact, breaks down and I see its limitations. For a moment there I wanted to go all the way back to exploring the question of what "love" is. I want to write hot, sexy sex-stuff but then I find myself qualifying and being inclusive and clear and then it's totally not hot.

** The idea that vaginal sex is "safer" is a story we tell ourselves, as a society, about sex. "Safer" for whom, exactly? It's one of the stories we need to dismantle if we really want to liberate ourselves.