I used to enjoy short horror stories when I was a teenager but I was too sensitive to watch horror movies. In my twenties, I didn't particularly care for horror stories but I could enjoy a horror movie, as long as it was campy enough. Then I had kids and couldn't stomach any kind of horror tale stronger or stranger than the TV show, "Lost."
Now, my hormones and experiences have brought me to a different place, where everything consists of fine gradients and, when I write, I feel I am slipping across those gradients with the grace of a ballet dancer, only to realize, when I re-read and edit, I just fumbled and rolled and fell off at one extreme end.
One example is the continuing story of Rebecca. I'm excited about the direction it's going, but it is not an erotic story, most of the time. I wouldn't describe it as horror, either, but perhaps closer to a mystery or a good, old-fashioned shoot-em-up.
Another example is "Transliteration," a short story I just finished for BlueLyric's January contest, "Disturbing Temptations," at the MC Forum. Once I finished the first draft, I went back to review it and was surprised to discover I hadn't written an erotic story, I'd written a horror story. Now, while BlueLyric might like a bit of supernatural to go with his mind-control, I'm fairly certain I met the criteria for "disturbing," but not for "temptations."
Some authors I know can walk that fine line between erotica and horror, using the latter to heighten the former. I had hoped to do so with "Transliteration" but I'm pretty sure I utterly failed. It contains sex scenes, it contains sexy women, but they only serve to heighten the horror, I think, rather than the other way around. I worry I managed to explore or touch on things like asexuality, disability, squirting, matriarchy-to-patriarchy social transitions, and lack of representation of people of color in American media in a completely ham-handed, unsubtle and, ultimately, offensive way. The characters were very real to me and I think, if I failed anyone, it was them.
I'm not going to give up on the story, in part because I like the characters, in part because it'll be a good exercise in heavy edit/rewrite to get the tone I want. It's fine as it is for the contest, but I think I can rework it into something that tips toward erotic rather than horror, particularly if I took the time to write a happy ending.
It's interesting that so many of us have this link in our minds between the two. Is it the fact that they have heightened awareness in common? Or that we've been taught to fear our physical urges? Certainly this link is in so many Western stories, going back centuries (I'm too ignorant to know if, or to what extent, the overlap exists in Eastern or African cultures). I'm sure that, if I had a degree in literature, I'd be able to speak to it more effectively and from a more educated place.
Even as ignorant as I am to the history of this link, it's been an eye-opener to realize that my writing themes have changed yet again, become more layered, and have become stronger in some ways than others. I am recalibrating my writing style, perhaps, as I'm no longer the person I was a year ago, much less ten. There are places I'm willing to go, now, and part of the challenge is in describing them to the reader in such a way that you want to go there with me.
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