It's not until I get into the rental car and head back towards the city that I realize that every plan and alternate plan I've made has gone awry. I'm not in control of anything. It pisses me off. I feel like hurting someone.
The drive is quiet and uneventful. I keep the radio off so I can focus on my plan. This one can't go wrong. If it does, I'm dead and so is Ben, Rowan and their two daughters.
It's kind of weird, feeling this complete loyalty to Rowan and her family, because it's so random and unlike me. I never had a loyalty to Ray, really, just a deep understanding of the power he had. The last time I had such a deep commitment to anyone, I was nine and my brother was eleven and I was kicking and biting and scratching to get my mom off of him. And then I got the knife from the kitchen and that ended that fight.
But, even though I know my loyalty to them is artificial and imposed by The Loop, it doesn't mess with the rest of me, of who I am, it simply informs my decisions to the extent that it must. It feels safe. I feel safer, even as I drive toward a monster bigger than I.
I try to keep today's lesson in mind: think like a chess player, examine not just my options but everyone else's. I keep coming back to the same thing: shoot the fuck out of everything that moves. I can do that at Ray's, once I'm past the front where the honey pots do their dancing for the johns. It's really not the way a chess player thinks, I tell myself, giving myself a small smile. I am not a chess player. I am a monster with a few chameleon tricks.
The bouncer lets me in with a nod, not bothering to pat me down. He knows I'm carrying, he just doesn't realize I'm carrying a lot more than usual. I am the monster, I tell myself, as the image of him dead in a pool of his own blood rises in my brain.
I see the brunette honey pot and her braid swing by the bar, a pile of empties on her platter. I head toward her and grab hold of her hair, near the base of her neck. Her eyes are wide as I turn her around, but then soften when she sees it's me. I kiss her on her soft lips before whispering in her ear, "I want you to come home with me tonight, okay?"
I pull back to look at her face. She nods. I kiss her again and let her go. I want to tell her to leave now, to take a few friends and get somewhere safe, but I know her programming means she'd just tell the bouncer what I said and then I'd lose any edge I had over what happens next.
I nod at the bartender then make my way to the back. The two bouncers at the door to the upstairs offices and apartments grin at each other at the sight of me.
"Hey, chica, you blow any brains out today?"
"Careful, Rafael, if she's had a bad day, it might be your brains get blown."
"Hah. Maybe if she's had a good day, she'll blow my dick."
"Boys," I say, grinning back at them, "You would not believe the day I had. And it's not done yet. Ray here?"
"Of course. He's got Ben all tied up, waiting your arrival. Whatchu think about it, Ben turning out to be stealing from Ray?"
"I approve of stealing; means job security for me," I wink as I slide past them. Once I'm by I call back, "Ray's gonna be pissed about the information I'm bringing him. Expect a mass exodus in a minute."
As I mount the stairs I pull out Rowan's smart phone. I slide it on and enter the code. I dial a random number at the door to Rays' office. I hit dial with one hand as I open the door with the other and take a few steps inside.
"Ray! We've got a problem," I say, the sudden increase in adrenaline gives my voice a realistically worried pitch. Ray looks up from something on his desk. "You gotta take this call, Ray," I say, and I throw the phone to him from a few feet away. He catches it and holds it up to his ear. He freezes, caught in The Loop.
I turn to the cronies and their lap girls.
"Get out," I say, "Ray's going to be tied up with the phone call for about fifteen minutes and then he's going to be really pissed. You don't want to be here when that phone call ends."
"What's this about?" blusters one of the old guys. He and the rest of them are looking at me with fear in their eyes.
"It turns out this whole thing is bigger than Ben. There are others who've been working with him. Now get out before I start guessing which one of you is involved." I pull out one of the guns and hold it loosely in my hand, muzzle pointing toward the floor. I've never pulled a gun in Ray's office. Everyone knows something's really wrong, but no one knows how to decipher it.
The cronies get up. The one getting a blow job zips up his pants. The lap girls follow them out. That leaves Ben, handcuffed to a chair, and Jacob, Ray's favorite bodyguard.
"What's going on?" Jacob asks.
I don't bother replying. I'm busy screwing the silencer onto the piece. Once that's done, I shoot Jacob. Even with the silencer, there's a satisfying noise. The blood from the exit wound sprays onto the flocked wall behind him.
Ben is staring at me with wide eyes. When I turn to look at him, he scrunches his eyes closed.
"Ben, Rowan sent me. Ray's in The Loop. She said you'd be able to program him or something while he's caught up in it. Can you do that?"
Ben nods, eyes wide open again to stare at me as I rifle through Jacob's pockets, looking for the keys to the handcuffs.
"Is Rowan -- are the girls -- what's going on?"
"Rowan caught me up in The Loop," I reply as I unlock the cuffs. "She made me loyal to her and her family, including you. I'm not Ray's hit-woman anymore. I'm your family's bodyguard."
Ben rubs at the red marks on his wrists as I move across the room and lock the door. I change my mind and unlock it. People know Ray's rages; they'll stay away for at least half an hour. By then Ben will be in control of Ray and there will be some big changes.
"Ben, you need to stop staring and get to work on Ray," I say, taking up position by the door. I still haven't decided whether to shoot or shoo away any early birds.
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