Kink in Real Life: Does Your Doctor Know? Part 2

I finally went to a doctor for the first time in three or four years. I hadn't had health insurance in a while, mostly because I couldn't afford it. And, when I did, I never managed to make the time for a visit. The appointment went smoothly enough, even though, after the nurse gathered all my preliminary information, including my long self-care to-do list, the first thing my doctor asked was why I wanted to be tested for STI's, considering I'd been monogamous for so long. He asked me to repeat the part about considering hiring a sex worker. He was momentarily flustered but managed to remain professional. This was after letting me know he was a Christian. So.

Look, wanting to be with other people is normal, but that's not our social narrative. When something is outside of our social narrative we tend to want to hide it. But hiding things like desiring sex with someone other than one's primary partner can lead to a host of problems far, far worse than a one-night stand, which is why I chose to disclose my thoughts to my primary care physician within five minutes of meeting him for the first time.

I wanted to explain myself to him, to argue the pros of hiring a sex worker for a one-time event. Instead, I just said it was something my husband and I had discussed previously, that I wanted the tests as part of my approach to avoid harming others, and that I wanted to hire a woman because I felt that would be less threatening to Mr Myrrh. The truth is, it's not about Mr Myrrh, it's about me. The truth is, I probably won't hire a sex worker. The truth is, I'm really quite torn about sex as a monetary transaction and I'm sensitive to the possible moral and ethical issues. But I want that option there because, sometimes, at the height of these increasingly crazy perimenopausal cycles, I want a third person in my bed.

I decided that this was important to share with my doctor. I wasn't looking to shock him, poor thing, but I am resolved to follow a line of thinking that's very important to me: that if I'm not honest about what I'm experiencing then I am supporting a false narrative that does damage to others. And, if I can share the results of that honesty here, perhaps my own experience can help others choose to write their own stories.

Warmly,
Ms Myrrh